Pop-tarts!
by fighter.planes
Summary: Something just is'nt right aboard the Bebop...... cast interviews up
1. The stupidity of it all.....

I don't own and never will own Cowboy Bebop or any one of the products listed in this story.   
  
"There's NOTHING to eat!" Faye Valentine yelled over to Jet. "Then go buy us some food." Jet replied, sitting at the table, he just wanted to read his morning paper in peace and not have to put up with the annoying woman. "We have no money and you know it!" Faye yelled back at him. "Must you be so loud so early in the morning?" the weary Jet asked her. Spike happened into the dining room that very moment. In place of the usual cigarette in his mouth he had a small rectangle shaped object. That object also appeared to be edible. Which could only mean one thing. "FOOOD!" Faye and Jet yelled at the same time. Jet Humphed and sat back down. "You've been holding out on us haven't you Spike!" Faye began screaming in Spike's ear. Spike held his hand up to her face and pushed her aside into the wall. "O-ww! What wuzzat for?" faye whined. Spike swallowed the rectangular object of food down his throat. He cleared his voice and then spoke. "Stop yelling it's way to early to be making so much noise don't you think?You can't still be drunk can you? The hangover pills are in the medicine cabinet where they always are. I haven't been holding out on you guys for food. I was rummaging around in the old supply stores for some parts I needed and I found this old box in one of the zero-gee preserver containers. I tasted it a bit and found out that it was edible, so I ate some. Now if you are quite done yelling for the morning then I would like to go and get some breakfast.". Spike sat down and held up his fork and spoon and said, "So Jet what's cookin?!". Ed came into the dining area and slinked up toSpike. "Fridge has no food! Jet-person says we are broooooooke!" she chimed happily. Spike looked up at Jet. "You're kidding right? We have to have SOME money." Spike said. "Nope, not a woolong." Jet said depressingly. "Well guess I'll go back to eating these again." Spike said as he produced another rectangle from his pocket. This one was wrapped in silver foil and had red writing on it. "Wait Spike!" Faye yelped as she reached for the skinny man. "Show where you got those! We are hungry!" Faye whimpered. "What?, so you all can just eat them in less than 5 minutes? I'd like to save these you know. For emergencies you know." Spike replied. "Spiiiiiiike! This is and emergency! WE HAVE NO FOOD!!" Faye whined more, doing her best 'I'm a helpless pretty little girl act'. "Ohhhh fine." Spike sighed,`anything to get this woman to stop whining` he thought. "Let's go. But I'll warn you, these things are A-D-D-I-C-T-I-V-E." Spike said, but he had the feeling that nobody was really listening to him. "Follow me." Spike sighed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Several minutes later........  
  
  
  
Faye, Jet, and Ed watched intently as Spike struggled with a heavy container. "You-hff-guys-huff-coulda-pff-helped-wheeze-ya know!" He said as he grunted under the weight of the container. He set it down with a loud clang and sat down to wipe the sweat off of his forehead. While Spike rested Jet walked over to the container and examined it. It was a rectangle roughly 5 feet long and 3 feet high. It was sturdily built with a tough reinforced frame bolted to the edges. Several labels appeared to be stuck on it, but they were so worn away that they couldn't be read. "Jeeze Spike, this thing looks like it was made to survive a nuke or somthin'. How'd ya open it?" Jet asked as he looked at the mean lock on the top of the container. "And where did we get it?" He added. "I picked it up along with some old space junk we salvaged a while back." Spike answered. "Ohh" Jet said. Spike went on, "I've actually been fiddling with the lock for awhile now." Spike added. "I finally got Ed to hack it's lock, it's electronic ya know.". "Edward help Spike person!" Ed squealed happily. "Well open it already!" Faye yelled. "Grr-yeah whatever" Spike mumbled. He pressed a small red switch on the side. A small numeric keypad raised from the top. Spike punched in some numbers. He stood back as it hissed and white mist sprayed from vents at the sides. It popped loudly, making everyone cover their ears. The top clicked open slowly and then locked upright. Everyone except Spike crowded around and peered inside. Stacked in the container were rows of small, rectangular packages. Faye picked one up and read the writing on it. "Pop-tarts." Faye read. "Seems harmless enough." She added. Faye ripped open a pack and sat down on the deck. She pulled out the small rectangle and looked at it closely. It had a light beige crust with white icing and multi-coloured sprinkles on top. She took a small bite from it and chewed it. It had a nice strawberry taste to it. It was....good! "MMMM! Yumm! These are good Spike!". Upon hearing the purple haired one's approval Jet and Ed each took a pop-tart and began eating. "Say, these are good!" Jet said between swallows. "Edward like these!" Ed added. "I want more!" Faye said happily. "Me too!" Jet and Ed added. "This cant end well." Spike said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
10 minutes later.......  
  
  
Faye opened up her 12th package. "Hey..You leave my Pop-tarts alone woman!" Jet yelled at her in a rather loud voice that should only be reserved for someone in a drunken stupor. "They are MY Pop-tarts! You leave them alone! They are mine AhahAHAHAHAH ALL MINE!!" Faye hollered into Jet's face. "Edward says that the Pop-Pop things are Edward's!" Ed screamed mostly because everyone else was screaming. Soon the three broke out into a fight, as they swirled around in a dust cloud Spike sighed heavily, something he seemed to be doing a lot lately, and lit a cigarette. He watched the insanity ensue before him. He always had a hunch that these "pop-tart" things were bad news. He had been trying to pawn them off on someone for some woolong but nobody seemed to want them. Why, once when he tried to offer them to a rare food collector the man had run away screaming in fear. He looked up when he heard a loud Whack. Jet had secured a small pipe and was hitting at Faye who was trying to grab as many pop-tarts as she could. Ed was busy at her terminal hacking away. She hacked into the controls for the cargo crane and used it to pick up the container holding the pop-tarts. "Hee Hee, now Edward has ALL of the pop-pop thingies! Edward is happy!". Jet hollered and charged the kid knocking her down. The crane, no longer under control, dropped the container back onto the deck. Spike sighed once more and stood up to leave. "Guess I'd better start searching for help before they destroy the ship." Spike muttered. As he left through the cargo bay doors, a large cow mooed as it hit the wall. "What a life I live." Spike rolled his eyes.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later....somewhere on Mars......  
  
  
  
Spike's ultra cool ship whined as it slowly set down in the docking field. A few moments later he emerged from the cockpit and climbed out. After locking and securing his ship he left for the main market place. Upon his arrival he was met with tons of street vendors barking in his face. He pushed them out of his way. He had only one destination in mind. The Rare Food Collectors shop. He made his way through the dusty streets to a small alabaster shop. It was slightly cracked down the sides, a sign of much wear. He pushed open the wooden door which creaked slightly as it opened. Inside the shop a small blond haired man with wire rimmed glasses and a pudgy nose looked up from the Cooking Delights with Pirate Stan magazine he was reading. The mans bored expression changed to one of horror when he saw Spike Spegiel's face. "Y-you! It's you! You tried to sell me those eeeeeeeeevil pop-tarts!" The man stuttered out. The Food collector got up and started for the rear entrance of the shop. Spike stepped in front of him and brought his hand up and grabbed the man's shirt. "L-leave me alone.." the man whimpered. "Tell me about the pop-tarts." Spike said. "Okay!Just don't hurt me please!!" the man sniveled. Spike sighed and dropped the man down into his padded chair. "Yes, pop-tarts. Way back, a long time ago there was a company named Kelloggs. This company came up with and idea for a fast and easy breakfast pastry. After the pastries were released to the publicthey became popular. But there was a...problem." the man said. "What kind of problem?" Spike asked him. "Well," the man answered "the problem was that they had something in their ingredients, something nobody noticed. They made people like them so much that people were driven mad over them. People would do anything to get pop-tarts. Nobody wanted to share them. Everyone wanted them all to them self. The pop-tarts were pure evil incarnate!" the man said raising his arms into the air. "Okay then." Spike said. "How can I stop my friends from killing themselves over them?" Spike asked the little man. The man shifted in his chair and sighed. "During the madness that they called the great 'Breakfast war' a company came out with a product. They called it 'Pillsbury toaster strudel', it was the only product capable of combating the pop-tart's madness.". "Do you have any?" Spike inquired. "Alas no, I don't." the man replied sadly. "The only people who still posses any Toaster Strudel are the evil Breakfast syndicate." the man said to Spike. Spike raised an eyebrow. "Breakfast Syndicate? I've never heard of them." Spike said, rather puzzled. "They..like to keep quiet...besides their advertising agency stinks." the man said. "Oh, well I'm going now. Guess I'll have to find information on the street." Spike said as he headed fo the door. "Bye." the Food collector said.  
  
  
  
Spike wandered around the marketplace for a while. He soon began to get bored, nobody had ever heard of this Breakfast Syndicate. He stopped when a pink limo pulled up beside him. Two men dressed in a blue toucan costume with rainbow colored beaks stepped out and grabbed him. Spike tried to fight back but one of the strangely dressed goons put a hand to his mouth and Spike passed out.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An unknown time later.....  
  
  
  
Spike woke up in a chair. He was sitting slumped over and feeling rather groggy. He snapped up when he heard a loud and annoying cackle. A strange looking man with bright red hair exactly like Vicious's stepped up in front of him. Spike got a good look at him. His face looked just like Vicious's except that he had a plastic rainbow coloured toucan beak strapped to his face. "Vicious?" Spike asked as he put up his fists, ready to fight. "Hehehehe! I'm not Vicious! I am his long, long, long lost brother Delicious!Ahahahaha!" The man cackled. Again Spike couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "I never knew that he had a brother." Spike said. "He doesn't like to talk about me much." Delicious said sadly. "I don't have time for this. Tell me where The Toaster Strudel is at." Spike said. "Hupmh! Why should I tell you? We, the Breakfast Syndicate will try to take over the galaxy with our pop-tarts factory! Ehehehehehehe!" Delicious exclaimed. He looked around when he realized that Spike was no longer around. He saw Spike carrying a crate labeled Toaster Strudel. "After him!" Delicious screamed to his toucan dressed guards. Spike tripped the guards as they rushed at him sending them flying into a large vat of pop-tart filling. Delicious stood between him and the door. "Ahaha! You cannot beat my 'Pastry maker gun'!" Delicious screamed. He shot the gun at Spike who jumped up and over the stream of pastry filling. The filling hit a mirrored wall and splashed back onto Delicious. "Noooooooo!" Delicious moaned as he was covered in red strawberry filling. "Well that was a waste of time Spike muttered as he walked out the front door.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
About one hour later......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike docked his ship with the Bebop and entered the larger ship. Inside he found the place a complete wreck. The couches in the living room were overturned and a crude fort had been made out of the table and chairs. Spike shook his head and moved into the kitchen which was also a mess. He saw Jet, Ed and Faye sprawled out in the floor, snoring. Each one had armfuls of pop-tarts. Weapons were scattered everywhere. He sighed and shook them awake one by one. As they all sat up groggily, Spike shoved strudel into each of their mouths and forced them to chew. They swallowed the strudel down. As soon as Faye was done she began yelling at Spike. "What the hell was that for!?!" Faye hollered. "Yeah Spike why?" Jet asked as he rubbed his head. Ed just lept into Spike's arms. Faye looked around. Her and Jet's mouths both fell open as the saw the mass around them. "M-My ship!" Jet moaned as he slunk back onto the floor. "It's a long story." Spike said. "Now you guys get cleaning, I'm going to take a shower. When I get back I'll tell you the whole thing." Spike said cooly as he strode towards the bathroom. All Faye and Jet could do was stare, mouths agape at him as he walked away. Ed skipped happily around singing "Mess, Mess! It's a big messy mess!".  
  
  
  
Spike watched as the crate containing the pop-tarts blew out the air lock and drifted away into space. He never wanted to hear the name Pop-tarts again for a VERY long time.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I'm done! Wow what a waste of your time eh?!! Ahahahahah HEEHEHEH AHHRHRHAH hiccaup!  
  
  
  
Cowboy Bebop is not mine.  
  
Pop-tarts are owned by Kelloggs.  
  
Toaster Strudel Is owned by Pillsbury which I think is owned by someone else.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
See you later Space cowboy! 


	2. Cast interviews! Oh boy.....

Pop-tarts: Interveiw with the cast.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: This is here because the author has nothing better to do.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Session 01: Faye Valentine.  
  
  
DTemplar: zzzzzzzz.....  
  
Faye: Wake up stupid! You're supposed to interview me about the fiction!  
  
DT: zzzzzzzzzzz........  
  
Faye picks up a huge stack of bricks and dumps them on DTemplar.  
  
DT: zzzzzzzzz......  
  
Faye: O.o.... well bricks didnt work.  
  
Faye: Why does that fool sleep straight through his own fiction?!  
  
Faye: What a lazy bum!  
  
End....  
  
  
  
  
  
Session 02: Jet Black  
  
......much later.....  
  
  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
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Jet: So, DT....  
  
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Jet: So, DT....  
  
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Jet: So, DT....  
  
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Jet: So, DT....  
  
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Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: So, DT....  
  
DT: So, Jet....  
  
Jet: You can't think of anything to ask me right now can you?  
  
DT: {Head hanging} Nope....  
  
End........  
  
  
  
Session 03: Spike Spegeil  
  
  
  
DT: So, Spike, how do you feel about the whole-  
  
He is cut off as Spike stands up covers his ears and runs off screaming.  
  
Spike: The EEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL POP-TARTS! NEVER MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!  
  
DT: {eyebrows raised} Oooookaaaaaayyy.....  
  
  
End......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Session 04: Ed  
  
  
  
  
DT: So Ed, How was the whole pop-tart escapade?  
  
Ed: Ed is happy! Ed like Author person lots yep yep!  
  
Ed latches firmly to DT's leg. He tries the shake the skinny girls off but his efforts are in vain.  
  
DT: Uh we'll......aww fuck it......  
  
He hobbles away with Ed still latched on.  
  
  
End......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Session 05: Delicious  
  
  
  
  
DT: Examines the man sitting across from him.  
  
He has strawberry red hair. He is dressed in a blue bird suit. Strapped to his nose is a plastic toucan beak. The man is grinning insanly.  
  
DT: Forget it......  
  
  
End.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The author belives that this will go nowhere......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
See you later space cowboy!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hidden session 06: Pop-tart  
  
  
  
  
A pop-tart sits in a chair.  
  
Nothing happens for a very long time.  
  
Why would anybody waste their time interviewing a pop-tart? I dont know and I dont care.  
  
  
End...... 


End file.
